The Five Things I’m Kind of, Sort of Thankful For

Ahh Thanksgiving. The ultimate stuff-your-face-unbuckle-your-pants*-you-just-gained-ten-pounds-in-one-sitting extravaganza.  How can you not love it? There are parades with lip-syncing stars, there are football games, the ever present smell of turkey in your house, your entire circle of family and friends dishing out all the secrets and gossip you’ve never really wanted to hear. It’s history. It’s tradition. It’s perfect.

*I know, I know. It’s “trousers” here in Scotland. I can’t even begin to describe how many times I’ve forgotten that little difference.

Above all things (and watch out for this super obvious statement, because it’s comin’ at ya fast) it’s a time to be thankful. From the time we were kids, we are taught about the vague dinner party between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans and blah blah peace and harmony, everyone be thankful for a bountiful harvest. Insert a few centuries and the Hallmark Corporation, and this thankfulness has trickled down into sharing what you, personally, are thankful for…while simultaneously seeing how many items of food you can fit into your mouth at once. I’ve been thinking about what I am thankful for this year a lot recently–mainly because no one in the UK celebrates Thanksgiving (I mean honestly, that would be so awkward if they did) and I’m consistently pounded with questions about how Thanksgiving works for Americans. Do we really eat that much food? (Answer: duh. Stop judging). What is Thanksgiving even about? (Answer: food. pilgrims. Giving thanks. Come on guys.) What do people say they are thankful for? (Answer:…good question).

I’m thankful for so many things. Coming to Scotland and being able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my parents for the first time in three years are the immediate things that come to mind, but as I was walking home today I had this weird thought (shocking, I know) about things that I wouldn’t immediately think to be thankful for, but actually kind of was. Take for example, No. 5 on this new and improved Thankful-List of mine:

I am thankful for my horrible sense of direction

But actually. In case you don’t me at all, I claim to have direction skills comparable to Sacagawea but, let’s be real, I’m more like Lewis and Clark blindly following Sacagawea than actually being Sacagawea, if you know what I mean. There were times when I was in Dublin…and Bath…and Glasgow where I thought to myself Huh. I literally have no idea where I am right now. This should be fun. And you know what? It was. In a world that allows us to have a GPS constantly at our fingertips, it’s nice to have the challenge of actually figuring out where you are and, more importantly, where the hell you’re going.

Not your typical “I am thankful for” statement, I know. But don’t worry–I managed to come up with four more:

I am thankful for being a poor college student

Every morning, There are many mornings when I wish that I could afford to get that coffee at the Starbucks that is right across from my classes. There are days when I question whether that shirt was really worth buying at Primark (Answer: yes it was), but the fact of the matter is that I’m a poor student. Which is exactly how it should be. What would be the fun in life if I had everything I ever wanted? To be honest, there really isn’t anything that I really need and, as ridiculously cliché as it is, the time I spend with my family and friends means more to me than anything I could ever buy with the little pile of cash in my bank account.

I am thankful for 1,000 piece puzzles

The other day my roommate, Christie, and I bought this 1,000 piece puzzle. It went from seeming like a great idea, to seeming like a horribly daunting task, to being a challenge, to borderline addiction, to being complete. Whether we were using it as an anxiety outlet or as a procrastination method, it was always incredibly fun. It’s nice to be challenged; to think that, just for a moment, there is no way you’re ever going to match all the snow-colored pieces together. But somehow we finished it. I have never been more proud of us or more thankful for such a stellar roomie.

I am thankful for hating to ask for help

I very clearly remember this moment I had post-dance class when I was in 8th grade. I hadn’t started my science homework before I left for rehearsal and by the time I got home, I realized that it was late and I hadn’t started my homework for the class I was doing the worst in. This feeling would become somewhat habitual as the years went on, but this momentary panic was new for 14 year old Moe. “Would you like help?” both my parents asked. “No, I’m fineeeee,” I’d stubbornly declare in the angsty pre-teen tone that I had perfected. As time passed I only felt worse and eventually broke down in tears. I hate asking for help. I am superwoman a strong independent female that can accomplish anything. Obviously. Except, as my parents always kindly remind me, I can’t always be right and I can’t always know the answer. I forget this constantly, but it is humbling to be reminded that sometimes it’s okay to ask others for help. I have been very fortunate this past semester to meet people who are willing to selflessly help me in times of crisis and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank them enough.

I am thankful for foxes.

I am totally lying about this one. There is this urban/terrifying fox that has been lurking in my general living area for the past week and it’s scaring the crap out of me. It has to go.

…but really I am thankful for fear, inexperience, and uncertainty

Woah baby. That’s a lot of big conceptual things to be thankful for. But this year, these big concepts are what I am most thankful for. I feel like 98% of my blog posts have been related to the ideas of “do something everyday that scares you,” or carpe diem, or I have no idea what I am doing in life, but I write about these concepts because they have profoundly shaped who I am right now. I didn’t know if I was going to study abroad and then, once accepted, I freaked out at the prospect of not knowing anybody in a city I had never been to. However, unlike previous experiences I’ve had, I decided that this year I was going to turn my fears into possibilities. I thought that if I did something scary like join that random club or talk to that cute guy and it ended poorly then fine. Whatever. It would make a good story for when I came home. Except every time I have done something scary, it has turned into something amazing. This doesn’t mean that every fear has ended pleasantly. I still have fears (that fox, namely) and those shape me too. But what you do today, as the saying goes, is important because you are trading a day of your life for it. So even if it’s terrifying, even if it’s embarrassing, even if you have no idea what’s going to happen next, at least you’re doing something.

No matter what  you are thankful for this Thanksgiving, make sure you tell people. Tell someone you love them. Tell your parents you’re thankful for their support and monetary funding. Tell that fox to find it’s own friends and stay away from you. Just be thankful.

And if you’re not American, I hope you have a killer Thursday.

With love and I’m so ready for a home-cooked meal it’s insane,

Moe

So, uh, what’s your plan?

In a little less than 48 hours I have to give a presentation in front of my Chinese history seminar. By myself. Just me, chatting away. Of course, because the universe thinks it’s freaking hilarious, I chose the most conceptual question of the semester to present on and so, much to the chagrin of my friends here, I’ve been complaining about this presentation for weeks. I should probably be more stressed about this presentation (especially since I talk about it incessantly) but honestly I’m not. Sure, I want to do well, but this presentation is not the be-all-end-all of my life. Even if I fall flat on my face it’s just ten minutes of my life. Things will go on. I could even use it as a great story at dinner parties. Planning for a presentation is not difficult. You gather your facts, insert some of your own thoughts, make a snazzy powerpoint and voila! That plan doesn’t worry me. Life plans, on the other hand, are a completely different story.

Last month I met this guy and we did the whole “Where are you from?” “What are you studying?” bit for a while. After we exhausted those annoying questions, we somehow managed to start talking about our “life plans.” Normally I think this question is pretty charming since I usually say ridiculous things like “ride a camel” or “be dictator of the world.” Except this guy actually had normal things to say. He didn’t have it all figured out, but he had a plan. I was shocked, flabbergasted, appalled! He then threw the question back at me: “So what’s your life plan?” “Uhh…” I started, trying to quickly decide whether to be honest or quirky. I chose the latter. “To go to New Zealand…and be fabulous,” I blurted, managing a smile afterwards. He laughed, the conversation continued, but what I said bothered me for the rest of the week. What was my life plan? This guy was not the first person to ask me this–it comes up in literally every first meeting I have with people: So where are you studying? What are your majors? What are you going to do with your life? I’m only 20 years old and half-way through college, yet I’m already expected to have the next five to ten years planned to a tee. If I had answered his question honestly, my response would have been “I’m not sure.” But you can’t answer those questions like that. And that’s what I have a problem with.

When you’re a little kid and people ask you what you want to be, you can respond with literally anything. I want to be a ballerina, a scientist, an actress, a writer. I want to be a dancing-acting-writing-scientist. All are acceptable and adults applaud you’re ambition. Then you get to high school, and your ambitions might be more condensed but you still dream big: I want to be a journalist, a doctor, a lawyer. Adults smile with approval, but then ask how you’re going to get there. What college do you plan on attending? Is your GPA good enough? Do you have enough leadership positions? Then you get to college. Finally. Now people will stop annoying you with those pesky questions. Except they don’t–if anything, they just get worse. Suddenly your ambitions (unless you’re in a science-related field) now seem impossible. Oh, you have an English degree? What do you plan on doing with that? Teach? Go to grad school? Oh, well at least you have a degree in History too! Does that mean you’re going to law school? Then you get even better questions like “So are you seeing anyone?” And after you graduate (or so I’m told) those questions turn into “So when are you going to get married?” If you answer “no” to any of these questions or, heaven forbid, say you’re not sure, you see that look of fear in people’s eyes. They are worried about you. It doesn’t matter if you have dreams anymore, what matters is your reality.

I’m not discrediting people who do have life plans by any means. If anything, I envy those people and how they have some sort of direction in their life. I’m also not saying that I have absolutely no plan in life. What I am saying is that I don’t have the five-to-ten plan figured out yet and that should be okay. I think it’s a shame that adults expect college-age students to have their whole lives figured out. Instead of placing that pressure on us, we should be encouraged to dream bigger than we did as kids. We should be encouraged to explore and try and fail; we shouldn’t be encouraged to find the nearest 9-5 cubicle with good health benefits. Succeeding is important, having a place to live and some sort of income after you graduate is important. But being ambitious, having a dream, living a life that makes you happy–these are even more important. And I wouldn’t give those up for all the adult-approval in the world.

So, uh, what’s my plan? Well first I’m going to figure out this presentation. Maybe take a shower. And then I’ll just figure the rest out.

With love and if you’re just here for the photos check out these pics from my trips to Dublin and Bath,

Moe

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